It wasn’t as quiet as I hoped last night. A group of three or four showed up at dark and camped on the other side of the creek, making noise long after I was trying to sleep. Anyway, they were all asleep when I left at dawn, so I never met them.
It’s been hard getting back on the trail. It’s been really hot, even at night. My toe seems better, but stills aches. My trail-legs feel like they’re gone. It’s back to sore feet and tired legs all day. And now with thunderstorms!
But the worst is that some how by skipping ahead I seem to have lost my mojo. If I can’t finish a thru-hike this year, why the hell am I out here? I’ve proved I could do it (theoretically, without injury that is). I’ve accomplished most of what I set out to do. Why torture myself any more? Why not go back to the nice foggy coast and my nice clean apartment and my sweet cat?
But it IS pretty here. Castle Crags was cool to walk by, and I like the mountains here and the views of Mt Shasta.
So, I’ve spent hours determined to quit and plotting my escape, and hours thinking of all the reasons I want to stay out on the trail.
The advice I’ve heard from past hikers is, “Don’t quit on a bad day”, and I haven’t. It will be four days until I could quit, if that’s what I decide to do. I think I just need to go slow again for a week or three until I get stronger again. Hopefully, these next few days will bring some clarity. I intend to keep walking until I’m absolutely sure what I want to do.
A New Place To Dream 
Adam, this is obviously ultimately a personal decision, but one reason to keep going is that there is some amazing country you’ve never hiked through ahead of you. The High Sierras are the most famous part of the PCT, but for me so many of the things that came later blew them away – Lassen Volcanic Park in NorCal, Crater Lake and the Three Sisters Wilderness in Oregon, the Goat Rocks in southern Washington, and the last couple of hundred miles in the North Cascades after the snow fell. Maybe you could decide you’ve already checked off California (you already know Lassen), and now have Oregon & Washington to go? You could bus up to Seiad Valley, the last town in NorCal, not in beautiful country but worth seeing for the sheer surrealism of every public building bearing the symbol of the State of Jefferson, & then you could just hike north from there. Or you could just bus up to Ashland, the first town off the trail in Oregon, & start from there – there’s not much between the border and Ashland, and Seiad Valley may not actually be worth that awful desert hill leading out of it to the north. 😆 At any rate, I just want to make the point that there are a lot of things worth seeing ahead of you, & maybe it would be worth formulating a new goal. Whatever you decide I support you, so Glide on! 😊
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Thanks Lucy! You’re right, seeing those places is a big part of why I came out here and I still need to see them. That’s why I bounced ahead in the first place. Thanks for reminding me.
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Adam,
What the hell r u over thinking of this situation and driving yourself away from the completion of the PCT? It sounds to me like u are a teenager with constant swings of mood. I admit I do not know u and I am 71 and an armchair, internet follower. U are nuts to call it over or whatever. I cannot following your reasoning or thinking for getting off the trail now. I would trade places with u in a minute but I am afraid going into the squat position to evacuate would be impossible for me these days. Take care Adam and do not keep overthinking. Why don’t u just walk on along and stop thinking. U have barely touched the learning curve. That u want to “quit” tells me u are at a break through point that u are attempting to avoid. Keep on friend and be in touch.
Margaret B.
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To sum up what that very kind lady Margaret said, don’t be a pussy. You have endured so much and us, your followers around the world, have endured having to look at that nasty foot of yours. But you have the title of your post right, being a roller coaster. Mojo comes and goes, and the heat is definitely oppressive, but I do know you and don’t believe for a second you would actually head home now. Go ahead and think it through in your own way, but the sooner you come to grips with marching on the sooner your mojo will return. Jump ahead if needed.
Anyway, easy for me to say. I just want a catalyst to go out for a few days to meet you on the trail.
Later dude.
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I know it’s been year’s, but I have to reply. I read this note on the trail and I laughed so hard (sorry Margaret). I laughed all day! Maybe two days. Your comment really lifted my spirits in a dark time. Thanks.
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I have faith in you Adam. I’ve never known you to quit anything. When you decide, it will be the right thing for you.
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I did notice that while I was planning to quit I was still walking away from the road….
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